Exercise #16: An image (No. 2)

[Creole Ned]

Exercise 16: An image (No. 2)

For this exercise, write a story based on one of the following two images (not both):

This was originally presented for Exercise #4 but only jackrabbit and myself were participating back then, so here is a chance to use this image if you like (click for a larger version):

http://www.riverhousestudios.org/photos/gallery/albums/blackandwhite/Foggy_Church_copy.sized.jpg (http://www.riverhousestudios.org/photos/gallery/blackandwhite/Foggy_Church_copy)

Or write a story covering 24 hours to one week before the event depicted in this illustration:

http://www.astrosurf.com/luxorion/Sciences/asteroid-night-hardy.jpg

Due Monday, April 20th.

Entries:

Armageddon, Part 2 (http://creolened.com/fiction/armageddon_part2.pdf) (Creole Ned)

[Creole Ned]

In a truly strange occurrence, my entry for #16 is ready six days before deadline. I am particularly interested in feedback on the ending. This could be considered a companion piece to "Superhero Go Home" and uses image #2, although I took poetic license on the location and time of the strike in question.

Armageddon, Part 2 (http://creolened.com/fiction/armageddon_part2.pdf)

[Paladin]

Very good Ned. Six pages just breezed past. Overall, I liked the story. I did have some trouble keeping track of the characters, maybe the Chicago 7 would have been better. I liked the new heroes though. Landfill Lady did kind of remind me of Pigpen from Peanuts. As far as the story goes, I thought it was well done. I liked that it was a companion to "Superhero Go Home", although it had me expecting Cobalt Sensation to be more of the center of the story. As for the ending, it was kind of a Deux Ex Machina for me. I would have prefered to see how this group of misfit heroes went through the process of putting everything right, rather than having an outside agent step in. I get that they are basically inept, third-string superheroes, yet I would have liked to see them rise up to provide a solution from within, however imperfect a solution it was. I didn't dislike the ending you have, I thought it works all right within the framework of the story, I just would have prefered an ending which gave these characters a situation in which the could succeed or fail on their own.

In other, less surprising news, my story will be late.

[Creole Ned]

I actually thought of cutting the number down to just the ones mentioned in the story and perhaps tossing aside the two non-speaking characters. The original ending was when The Incredible reach asks if anyone knows time travel and Dr. Bighead says "I know a little!" and while I thought it was a funny line to end on, it wasn't very satisfying as an end.

I like the idea of them succeeding through their own ineptitude. The time travel stuff sort of came to me out of left field and I'm not a big fan of the trope -- even when I'm the one using it. :P

Thanks for the feedback.

P.S. This story was mainly meant to be from The Incredible Reach's POV but it got spread around a bit. Seemed a better fit that way.

[Arioch]

I'm trying to get this one out this week. Better late than never.

[russellmz]

yay, superheroes!

i agree with paladin, the main characters need to stop the asteroid, or at the least, mess up the competent heroes' plan to stop the asteroid. needs more superpowers powers. that would definitely help distinguish the characters more. and everybody should fail in their attempt to stop/destroy the asteroid in their unique way.

bonus if they are useless powers ( http://superuseless.blogspot.com/)

whether they save the world or someone else does, the ending where they are stuck far away from home because they forgot their wallets and super gadgets is pretty good.

needs something extra loser-ish maybe. calling parents for a ride? asking a villain to borrow a hovertank?

[Creole Ned]

I'm going to try to have an alternate ending for the story up by early next week and will welcome any feedback on it.

[Creole Ned]

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

I have been dogged by a cold this past week so the rewrite is not yet done. On the other hand, I'm still the only one who wrote anything, so what am I apologizing for? Screw you, hippies! :P

I may get something wrapped up before Monday, though. Feeling much better today.

[Arioch]

This sucks. I have this one and the next more or less ready in my head, but I can't get em out. Stupid whatever this is.

[Creole Ned]

Boo!

*pokes Arioch's head with a stick*

I will have #17 up soonish but probably not till tomorrow, since my bout with a cold put me behind. Exercise #18 will go up later today. Hopefully someone will finish one of these. :P

I do have some other ideas for the exercises in general that may prove more useful. Stay tuned!

[Paladin]

My 16 & 17 have merged together, but like Arioch, getting it from my head to the keyboard hasn't happened yet. I don't want to do a rush job on it, but I'm having a hell of a time making time to write.