Writing Exercise #5: The immoral or unethical character

[Creole Ned]

jackrabbit and I are pretty excited about sharing our latest exercises after the huge response we got last time.

Yes. Oh yes.

Anyway, this exercise was based on the following:

"A story in which a character feels justified in taking an action that would be considered immoral or unethical."

We had a tight two-day deadline which we both met. Hooray! I personally like jackrabbit's story better because mine takes a character from a novel I have planned and compresses scenes from said novel into a short story shape that doesn't fit as well as it might. jackrabbit picked up one thing in particular that he felt was off and I'm curious if anyone else does. That requires reading the story, so...yeah.

The Graffiti Avenger (http://creolened.com/fiction/graffiti_avenger.pdf)

jackrabbit should should have his rascally tale up shortly.

[Circuit]

I liked it a lot, but it did feel like it was cropped from a bigger story. Also, you write gore very well.

[Creole Ned]

omg feedback! :o

Thanks for the comments, that's along the line of what jackrabbit and I would like to see. not just whether you liked or didn't like something but also a bit on why. We critique our own stuff but it's always good to get other opinions.

[jackrabbit]

Was home sick today, slept till just now. You'd think I'd feel better, not worse. Anyhow, here's my story.

Muriel Goes to Dartmouth (http://write.jckrbbt.com/docs/muriel_goes_to_dartmouth.pdf)

[Budly]

Ned, I found a boo boo in the story :) The whole story works better if you think of it in a film noir sort of setting. It was a little hard to follow the breaks at first, but I did like the concept and unethical or whatever, I would probably do the same damn thing. Well, I wouldn't pick on the homeless. I found myself filling in a lot more of the picture vs. the last stories but with the amount of stuff going on it might not have made short story status if you had done the work.

Overall, a pleasant read.

ps. I suck at reviews.

[Shadowrat]

I liked JR's choice of a fat and unremakable protagonist. It's a far cry from normal story material and refreshing to read about. Characters that just kick ass are always sort of boring. With muriel, i wonder how the hell she's going to accomplish anything seen as she can't pick locks, etc.

The resolution to her situation was wrapped up a little fast, but i thought the story was very cohesive.


I liked ned's setting a lot. And i liked the description of how Zach percieved his powers. It seemed original and plausible. I'd like to read more about it.

I agree it seemed rushed, and specifically, i felt the origin of the power was really rushed. I would like to read a whole story where Zach realizes his power a little at a time, and maybe it shows up in a less mundane situation than sitting on the couch watching tv.

Similar to my comment about Muriel, i always appreciate a character with weaknesses. I kind of think a character seems more badass when they are overcoming limitations, quirks and weaknesses, than when they simply can do anything.

I think both are great for a couple days of work.

[Creole Ned]

What was the boo boo? I must know! :o

Thanks for the input. Give your thoughts on the bunny's story, too, if you can. His works way better as an actual short story than mine and it's got some well-chosen descriptions of characters and events. The tone is delightful and I mean that in a non-sarcastic way.

EDIT: rat posted while I posted. Again, thank youse for the feedback. I'd appreciate a few words on my previous story, too, if you wouldn't mind. I'll even promise candy or something.

[Budly]

He pulled both hands from his pockets and then pulled another one! Oh, maybe he's a mutant.

[Shadowrat]

i liked that one too

[Tai]

He pulled both hands from his pockets and then pulled another one! Oh, maybe he's a mutant.

Or he carries severed body parts in his jeans...

[Creole Ned]

Pete's story for this exercise: Passengers (http://write.jckrbbt.com/docs/passengers.pdf).