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jackrabbit
10-06-2005, 08:00 AM
A Comprehensive Guide for PopTart® Aficionados

Frosted Cherry - probably the most popular flavor, the frosted cherry is a staple of a PopTart® lover's diet. It comes in individual packages, boxes of six and boxes of twelve. It has an excellent mix of filling/pastry ratio, and the frosting makes it more palatable than its unfrosted sibling.

Frosted Blueberry - better tasting than frosted cherry, though not as popular. Available in boxes of six. This pastry isn't as good as a regular daily pastry such as cinnamon, cherry, or strawberry, but makes an excellent substitution when the above aren't immediately available.

Frosted Raspberry - Great taste, but very sweet. A nice break from cherry, but too overpowering for daily eatage. The filling/pastry ratio is usually solid, but the frosting upsets the sweetness balance. I haven't tried unfrosted raspberry. I'm not even sure they make it.

Frosted Strawberry - Another staple choice. This is a good long-term pastry you can enjoy weeks at a time. Can be pastry-heavy in regards to the filling/pastry ratio, but given a long term option, this is better than the reverse. You can get strawberry in crates of about 1200 at Wal*Mart for $50 or so. That may be overkill.

Frosted Brown Sugar Cinnamon - Oft times seen packed in tandem with strawberry in the boxes of 12, cinnamon, while not one of the better tasting pastries, is a good long-term choice. The flavor isn't overpowering, though sometimes the filling/pastry ratio runs high on the filling. The frosting has no sprinkles in it and the smooth texture of it can be unsettling when sprinkles are the norm.

Frosted Chocolate Fudge - A chocolate explosion. Good on occasion, far from an everyday pastry. Filling/pastry ratio is almost always filling-heavy. If you like chocolate, I recommend the chocolate chip or caramel chocolate over this flavor or S'mores flavor.

Frosted S’Mores - Similar in flavor to the frosted chocolate fudge, but with an overpowering sweetness of marshmallow. I wouldn't recommend this flavor. Always too sweet and always too filling-heavy.

Frosted Caramel Chocolate - Perhaps my personal favorite, this is an excellent change of pace from fruit filling. The ratio is typically balanced, though it tends more to pastry when it's not. In the case of sweeter fillings, more pastry is always better. I recommend this over any of the other chocolate flavors, but this is a very bad choice as an every-day PopTart®. Be sure to buy a box of fruit filling flavor when you purchase caramel chocolate, or you will overindulge.

Chocolate Chip - Another good choice for chocolate, though always pastry-heavy. The chocolate chip flavor uses a frosting drizzle rather than a coating. I think this was the right recipe choice, though it can make them taste dry. A beverage is encouraged with this flavor.

Frosted Hot Fudge Sundae - Overpowering in every aspect. Far too much filling, far too sweet, and too overwhelming to even enjoy both pastries in a single foil. Don't get this flavor unless you want diabetes. Even my nieces didn't like this flavor.

Frosted Wild Berry - I'm not sure what the story is with this flavor; perhaps a means to corner the Xtreme Market with fruit? It doesn't really taste like fruit and the frosting is purple. Filling-heavy and noy enjoyable. For powerful fruit flavor that isn't purple, I recommend the raspberry over wild berry. Given the other fruit filling choices, wild berry is never a good choice.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough - This flavor is very dry and sweet. I'm not a fan of cookie dough in any state except baked cookies, so I can't recommend this flavor on taste. However, if you like cookie dough, you'll probably like this. Again, I recommend a beverage with this one. Typically pastry-heavy.

Strawberry Milkshake - I tried this flavor for the first time today, prompting this entire post. People need to be educated about PopTarts®, but primarily this new flavor. I didn't even make it past the first foil, and threw the second half of the second pastry out a moving vehicle window. This pastry might be okay if you only had to eat a bite a day across the span of a week. Otherwise it's just too much. I honestly don't know what I'll do with the rest of the box, because I can assure you I'll never eat them. I suspect even my dogs wont eat them because of the flavor. I'd be offering a public service by mailing the remaining pastries out to people that would like to try these but have no need to waste the $3 on a whole box. I thought they'd taste like strawberry milk. I was so naive.

Creole Ned
10-06-2005, 09:08 AM
Here in Canada the permafrost and snow drifts means that Pop Tart deliveries are infrequent and the variety of flavors is far less grand than in the U.S. However, given that most of the exotic flavors are complete grossbuckets, this is not a bad thing.

Myself, it all begins and ends with Frosted Blueberry. Not too sweet, not too dry. I can almost pretend there is some nutritional value in this. For more of a "yeah, this is candy even if you toast it" treat, I go with the Frosted Chocolate Fudge. The bunnyman's assessment is a solid one. You don't want to be scarfing these down and woe to the stomach for all that do.

I give this thread 9 out of 10 Pop Tarts.

:tart: :tart: :tart: :tart: :tart: :tart: :tart: :tart: :tart:

Fitty
10-06-2005, 10:20 AM
French Toast is not bad tasting if toasted. It does violate the MC rules that states that no pop-tart shall go unfrosted so I can not really endorse this flavor.

Dg3Nr8
10-06-2005, 10:30 AM
<Peter Griffin>

Holy crap!

</Peter Griffin>

Circuit
10-06-2005, 11:42 AM
You are wise in the ways of the Pop Tart, Mr. Rabbit. I've recently started buying my beloved toastable pastries again, but I usually end up eating more of them as snacks than I do for breakfast. I guess it really doesn't matter since they're not actually a good breakfast anyway.

jackrabbit
10-06-2005, 12:56 PM
I looked at the website. There are only like 5 flavors I haven't tried. They have a grape. I've never even seen grape.

I never set out to be an advocate of finer pastries, but I've often felt I should do a comparative review of Pop'Ups, Toast 'Ems, and the other PopTart® "competition". Some of them are downright awful, but there was a time I tried to save some money on my pastries.

I eat one a day and have for probably over a year. It's a lot of Goddamned PopTarts®. :) I sort of wish I'd kept track.

Creole Ned
10-06-2005, 01:16 PM
According to the official Kellogg's site, the name is written as Pop-Tart (with the hyphen). I shall henceforth refer to them in said manner.

Medic
10-06-2005, 03:12 PM
I commend you on your wonderful Guide to Pop-Tarts. But it does beg this question; are you conducting this taste test on raw Pop-Tarts, or warmed?

jackrabbit
10-06-2005, 04:52 PM
All tastings are done under both normal (control) and toasted conditions. In the case of a few, the subjects have also been tried frozen as some packages encourage. I have found this practice to be lacking in the Enjoyment Factor, and dangerous; frozen tests have been discontinued.

(this afternoon I was asked to try the Frosted Strawberry Milkshake flavor under frozen conditions. Since I doubt the experience can be much worse, I'll give it a try)

Medic
10-06-2005, 05:00 PM
And I'm to understand that you've found no difference in the quality of the flavor in the 2 different states? Please understand, I'm not calling to question you're conoseurship; I am simply trying to understand on a deeper level.

Tick
10-06-2005, 05:04 PM
Brown Sugar + Cinnamon is my favorite flavor by a wide margin. But I have a general love of the flavor in nearly any setting.

jackrabbit
10-06-2005, 06:49 PM
Toasted I don't care for any of the chocolate ones. The filling turns into a syrum and I don't like the texture. The fruit filling stays mainly solid. Overall, as a top pick for toasted, I'd probably pick frosted raspberry. I almost never toast them cause I grab them to eat on the way to work, and wash them down with a ice-cold diet lime Coke.

If my mom knew I ate that for breakfast 5 days a week she'd overnight mail me fried egg sandwiches.

Tai
10-06-2005, 07:35 PM
(this afternoon I was asked to try the Frosted Strawberry Milkshake flavor under frozen conditions. Since I doubt the experience can be much worse, I'll give it a try)

I beg you not to do this, all indicators imply that this can only result in severe taste bud damage and a tendency to continuosly wink with the left eye.

FoeKilla
10-06-2005, 07:54 PM
I'm frightened

Dg3Nr8
10-07-2005, 05:47 AM
JR, can you tell your mom that I eat pop-tarts for breakfast five days a week please?

jackrabbit
10-07-2005, 06:52 AM
My mom says to let her know if the egg sammy is cold when it arrives.

Speaking of cold, I tried the Frosted Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tart® this morning after freezing it last night. I didn't improve the flavor enough for me to not throw the second half out a moving car window again.

I began to think about it afterwards: the birds are beginning to migrate south, and the flavor wasn't very appealing. That Pop-Tart® may actually sit there for eternity. Birds wont eat it, and I assume bugs have better sense.

Circuit
10-07-2005, 07:42 AM
Great job, idiot. Now the rancid Pop-Tart remnants will be the only thing our ancestors learn about our generation when they find it thousands of years from now. But then I guess we'll probably not even notice being dead and all.

By the way, I have to disagree with you on the S'mores Pop-Tart. I like that flavor quite a bit, but I'm also a supporter of the filling-heavy breeds. Plus, it's very sweet and I like it in that "tee-hee, I'm eating dessert for breakfast!" sort of way. I also disagree about the Wild Berry for similar, filling-heavy reasons.

Some Pop-Tarts, like the Cinnamon and Brown Sugar flavor, are just way too dry because it's been my experience that flavors like that are usually pretty low on filling. Toasting it, though, liquefies the otherwise chalky filling, making it much more pleasant.

Paladin
10-07-2005, 08:14 AM
I beg you not to do this, all indicators imply that this can only result in severe taste bud damage and a tendency to continuosly wink with the left eye.

So that's what really happened to Chief Inspector Dreyfus, it wasn't Clouseau after all!

Circuit
01-06-2006, 10:44 AM
I have something to confess. I was feeling crazy one day so I went and picked up the Strawberry Milkshake Pop-Tart. I expected the worst, but I actually liked it. And to my surprise, the insane suggestion to freeze it before eating really did make a difference. I will say that this flavor is absolutely the worst of all the Pop-Tarts when toasted, though.

Then I began thinking that I had failed JR, my Pop-Tart sensei, by enjoying what he considers an abomination to the Pop-Tart community. But perhaps my liking of this flavor in fact elevates my Pop-Tart prowess even further towards enlightenment. Has the student surpassed the teacher?

Dg3Nr8
01-06-2006, 10:50 AM
Why would you even try to toast something that had milkshake in the name?

Andri
01-06-2006, 11:02 AM
What happens if I admit that I don't like Pop-Tarts regardless of flavor or temperature?

[USER WAS EXPULSED FOR THIS POST]

Circuit
01-06-2006, 11:20 AM
Why would you even try to toast something that had milkshake in the name?

Well, mostly, and this may just be my craaazy thinking, it's because it's a Pop-Tart. I know it's a stretch to assume a toaster pastry should taste good when toasted, but I'm just a nut like that. :)

jackrabbit
01-06-2006, 11:35 AM
I think this means we have to fight, you have to cut off my hand, I have to see the error of my ways and then die.

Crap.

Can we reschedule for early Autumn?

Q
01-06-2006, 11:41 AM
What happens if I admit that I don't like Pop-Tarts regardless of flavor or temperature?
There's no precedent for this, but I believe it's grounds for immediate expulsion from the Cartel.

Creole Ned
01-06-2006, 12:37 PM
I can be bribed to make an exception with Andri.

With Pop-Tarts, of course.

Circuit
01-06-2006, 01:08 PM
JR, if you'd like to cut off your own hand, it would save us both some time. In fact, I'm all booked out until late October with my other fights to the death, plus my hand-chopping sword is scheduled for maintenance after that. I'll let you know if there's a cancellation, though.

Shadowrat
01-06-2006, 08:50 PM
What if you just served JR with a court order that requires him to always be holding a strawberry milk shake PopTart® in his hand? This would effectively make his hand as useless to him as a severed hand while providing much needed exposure for Strawberry milk shake PopTart® toaster pastries.
He would learn the error of his ways, AND he would eat alot of PopTart®s

Reaver
01-06-2006, 09:46 PM
I strap a yummy Pop-Tart (S'mores) to each inner thigh each morning. They are hot and ready after just an hour of sweaty work. The crust is kinda soggy, but the salty tang is a pleasant contrast to the filling sweetness.

Circuit
01-07-2006, 12:37 AM
That would be really gross if told by a less sexy person. :o